blogger is what i do without secure telnet. ...
dying to self for the next 10 days. alas.
who knows how i made it through part one of winter term. miracle of grace? yeah.
lessons learned at the mountain: let go, let God. ? higher speeds, less control, more likely to fall. falling hurts. no risk no reward. good instruction is necessary. times alone are necessary.
lodge: the joys of serving. how to make pancakes and stuff.
quiet: the passion of sin, extreme heaviness, emotionally and physically. the comfort of the creator's arms, rest, renewal, and joy.
what lies beneath sermon: don't have extra-marital affairs. don't lie. don't play with the occultic. don't get too caught up with work. don't play with electricity and water. make sure your bathtub has an overflow drain. careful with the noise violations. people need jesus. the bad thing about scary moobies is that the watching can't stop but it's still scary.

'dying to self' (anonymous)
when you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don't string and hurt with the insult of the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy of suffering for Christ -
when your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient loving silence -
when you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, and unpunctuality, or any annoyance; when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility...and endure it as Jesus endured it -
when you are content with any food, any offering, and raiment, any climate, any society, and solitude, any interruption by the will of God -
when you never care to refer yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown -
when you can see your brother or sister prosper and have their nees met, and can honestly rejoice with them in spirit and feel no envy nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstance, that is dying to self -
when you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself, and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart -
THAT IS DYING TO SELF.
are you dead yet? in these last days the Spirit would bring us to the Cross. 'that i may know Him... being made conformable to His death.'

2 Corinthians 11:12And I will keep on doing what I am doing in order to cut the ground from under those who want an opportunity to be considered equal with us in the things they boast about. 13For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles of Christ. 14And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 15It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.

Proverbs 11: 1 The LORD abhors dishonest scales,
but accurate weights are his delight.
2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom.

from squirrel: itasa is just something i'm doing. not something i am. what i do is but a reflection of who i am. i cannot be a mediocre being so long as it is Christ who lives in me. my confidence comes from Christ and Christ alone. word.

i am aware of all the talk/gossip that goes on behind my back. either because people explicitly tell me, or because all the subtle communication games that are going on are games that i play too. yeah, that's MY game. i'm pretty sure i can read through those alterior motives. so, maybe people's opinions of me are inconsistent based on what they hear about my progress or about the way i run things. those kind of thoughts in my head tend to make me want to 'prove myself' and say 'i'll show you.' but really, to care about your silly approval is foolishness compared to being concerned about God's approval. would i really say that what you think about me during this fleeting moment called life on earth is more important than eternity? anyway, all that i can give you is my best. maybe it might not be to your standards. God wants the heart more than anything else. and really what it comes down to is loving God and loving people.

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

U of M News Service

yay! ...it sucks. but issall good. 2cor4:8-9 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

from an old sermon i once heard:
if the request is wrong, God says "no."
if the request is right but the timing is wrong, God says "slow."
if the request and timing are right but my heart is wrong, God says, "grow."
if everything's right, then God says, "go."

personal edit:
if everything seems ok on the surface, but really everything inside is messed up, there's a lack of trust in God, an over-confidence in myself that i've got it under control, then God says "yo," stops me in my tracks, slaps me upside the head, picks me up, carries my burdens and grants me rest.